Archives for January 2015

6 Things To Never Say To A Bereaved Parent By Angela Miller

Naomi in the book of Ruth had many tragedies and challenges. Part of the pain in her life came from the death of her two sons. I cannot understand what a mother goes through in the death of her child. We at times try to comfort hurting parents. I came across this article on what to say to parents that are suffering after the death of a child. This article gives us some insight into what to say or not to say.

 

6 Things to Never Say to a Bereaved Parent:

If you’re a bereaved parent, you can probably count on at least five hands the number of phrases you wish people would never, ever say to you.  If only there was a way for the world to learn how to speak compassionately to the brokenhearted.  What many people believe is a comforting statement, most often is not.  It usually feels more like a slap in the face or a swift punch in the gut.  Or like an uncontrollable need to vomit.  Or all three at once.  There seems to be a large gap between intention and what’s actually being communicated to those of us who are hurting.

1)  Time heals all wounds.  

Last I checked in my journey of trekking through the unimaginable, time hasn’t been working any overtime hours “healing” me.  And even if on some far away planet time does heal all wounds, it doesn’t make it helpful or comforting to hear when suffering in a ditch.  Alone.  Without much hope or a rope.

Time can help soften and change some of the sharpness of grief, but time alone doesn’t heal.  Time + focused intention can create a current in the direction of healing, but triple underline this:  Not all wounds heal, no matter how much time passes.  Not every wound turns into a scar.  Not all suffering ends in this lifetime.  Yes, in time it might scab over, but the slightest bump or scratch can make it start to bleed all over again.  Ask any bereaved parent– he or she will tell you– child loss is a wound that won’t ever completely heal.  No matter how much time or good intention, living a life without one (or more) of your children is a wound that forever bleeds.  No matter how many band-aids cover it over time.

Try instead:  What would feel healing/helpful to you right now? ~ Is there any way I can help carry your burden? ~ What do you need most today? ~ I am with you.  Always.

2)  Let go… Move on.  You’d feel better if you let go/move on… You’re hanging onto him too much, that’s why you’re so sad…  If you’d just let go you could start living again…

Anything that implies “get over it” will only add more unnecessary pain and hurt to a bereaved parents’ already gaping, oozing wounds.  What on earth is left for grieving parents to “let go of” when they’ve already lost the most precious treasure of their entire life to death?  We’ve already been forced to let go of someone who we would’ve given our own life to keep.  The only thing we have left to hold onto is our child’s memory and our abiding love for him or her.  And in doing so we courageously move forward, but never do we move on.  Moving on implies not taking our child with us throughout the rest of our lives.  When someone tells me I need to “move on/let go”, I tell them to move on from my life because I will proudly carry my son with me everywhere I go.  If people have a problem with it, I have no problem letting them go.

Try instead:  Hold on to me.  I’ll walk with you every step of the way. ~ No matter how painful, I’ll be with you every breath you take apart from your child. ~ Tell me about your beautiful child.  What was he like?  What do you miss the most?

Read more at http://stillstandingmag.com/2014/01/6-things-never-say-bereaved-parent/

The French Market Peanut Butter Pie

 The French Market Peanut Butter Pie

peanut butter pie

 

 

 

 

 

  • 2 choc. pie crusts
  • 10 oz. cream cheese-room temp
  • 1/2 lb powdered sugar
  • 1 cup peanut butter
  • 8 oz 1/2&1/2
  • 8 oz cool whip

Beat cream cheese until smooth, then add powdered sugar and continue mixing.

Add peanut butter and mix. Add 1/2 & 1/2 and mix. Fold in cool whip.

Pour into 2 choc. pie crusts.

Freeze for 3 hours  and top with Hot Fudge Topping

 

10 Tricks to Help Lose 10 Pounds Fast by Beth Howard

 

Eat fewer carbs. Reduce portion size. Exercise more. All are solid strategies for shedding unwanted pounds. But sometimes you need a few extra tricks and tips to get the job done. Try these 10 novel ways to drop the weight fast. >>

 1. Reward—or fine—yourself

Pay yourself $1 per workout to be spent on new workout gear or other non-edible treats at the end of the month. At the same time, “fine” yourself $5 for every missed workout and donate it to the charity of your choice, suggests Andrew Herr, president and CEO of Mind + Matter, LLC, a nutrition and human performance company in Arlington, VA.

2. Eat your veggies

Eat your meal in order of lowest to highest calories: Start with veggies, then move on to lean protein. “By the time you reach those rich, starchy carbs (buttery mashed potatoes, anyone?) you will already be feeling nice and full,” says Deborah Orlick Levy, M.S., R.D., health and nutrition consultant at Carrington Farms, an organic foods company.

3. Have cake for breakfast

For real: A study from Tel Aviv University in Israel showed that obese patients who ate a breakfast that was high in protein and carbohydrates—including dessert!—were better at losing and keeping weight off than people who consumed a low-carb, low-calorie breakfast. Eating carbs and protein at the beginning of the day helps people feel full throughout the day, researchers theorize, and the sweet treat may reduce cravings.

4. Laugh it off

It may look silly but laughter yoga, which combines self-induced laughter, yogic breathing and relaxation techniques, burns about 1.3 calories a minute. Practice it for 45 minutes a day and you’ll wind up 12 pounds lighter after a year. Go to Laughteryoga.org to connect with one of more than 6,000 clubs worldwide.

5. Get fit with a group

Working out is more fun with friends and that makes it easier to maintain a fitness routine and lose weight. “Join Meet-up groups for exercise where friends and people that share your interests hold you accountable,” suggests Matty Whitmore, a fitness trainer at Spectrum Athletic Clubs in the Los Angeles area.

Read the rest at http://www.grandparents.com/health-and-wellbeing/diet-and-nutrition/lose-10-pounds-fast?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=nl749&utm_content=html

When your daughter-in-law’s mom is her best friend—what about you? By Julie Weingarden Dubin

This is an article is helpful tips in it. Check it out.

When your daughter-in-law’s mom is her best friend—what about you? By Julie Weingarden Dubin

*Denise* of Santa Cruz, California, has long-standing issues with her daughter-in-law, Katrina, who misses her mother in Europe. Denise tries to make Katrina feel welcome, but Katrina is distant. “It seems like she just wants a surface relationship,” says Denise. Katrina invites her mother to visit her for extended periods of time. “When I’m with them, I feel left out—they continually converse in their native language and I don’t understand a word.” Denise wants a close relationship with her daughter-in-law, but feels Katrina’s mother gets in the way.

On the flip side, grandmother Donna Maurillo lives in Scotts Valley, California, and her son and daughter-in-law reside in Alabama, but the distance doesn’t come between them. Either does her daughter-in-law’s mother. “I’m happy that she has a good relationship with her mother—it shows that she’s a mature person who doesn’t carry youthful resentments into adulthood—and for me, that’s a major positive.”

If your relationship with your daughter-in-law isn’t as evolved, don’t sweat it. Maybe your daughter-in-law’s closeness with her mother has you wondering where you fit in, or, (worse!) if her mother will get to see the grandkids whenever she wants? That’s okay—we’ve got the advice to make sure you’re not left out of the mix.

Tip #1: Honor their bond. Okay, maybe her mom is her best friend—the person she calls first thing every morning and then 20 times throughout the day. Accept that you’re not her go-to confidante and she’s not your daughter. Even if you’re feeling left out, you need to understand that their closeness isn’t a slight against you—it’s not personal. “It’s often difficult for mother-in-laws because they have a son and it is easy for them to see his wife as a “daughter,” but she’s not,” says Deanna Brann, Ph.D., author of Reluctantly Related—Secrets To Getting Along With Your Mother-In-Law or Daughter-In-Law. Elaine Shimberg of Tampa, Florida, who has three daughter-in-laws and 10 grandkids, says it’s key to remember that you are not her mother—even if she calls you “Mom,” adding that it’s the best way to bond. “She’s the woman your son loves and who hopefully makes him happy—it’s good to come in as a friend, be available, and offer advice if it’s requested.”

To read additional tips visit http://www.grandparents.com/family-and-relationships/mother-in-law-daughter-in-law/daughter-in-law-problems

4 Life Lessons Every Grandparent Should Teach Their Grandkids by By Jennifer Kelly Geddes

Setting a good example for your grandchildren may seem like a no-brainer, but grandparents are uniquely positioned to teach some real life skills.

“Often grandparents can spend more quiet time with grandkids than parents, so this is a great opportunity to pass along a little wisdom,” suggests Karen Wrolson, M.S., a life coach and founder of Excite Ed!, an educational and motivational consultancy. Sitting, talking and really listening to your grandchildren as you share life lessons can make a big difference in how they live their lives—and often they’ll listen to you when they won’t listen to their parents. Four lessons you should teach…>>

 Lesson #1: Life isn’t always easy

What it teaches: Empathy. Tuning in to another person’s perspective is at the heart of empathy—and when taught correctly it might prevent future bullying.

How to begin: Doing a good turn for others is a classic way to explain empathy and also make a difference in your community. “Set up a regular volunteer activity so your grandchild can learn about people in need and see that he has the ability to change someone’s life for the better,” says Wrolson. Raking a neighbor’s leaves every week, helping to build a wheelchair ramp at a church or packing care bags for women and kids in a homeless shelter are just a few ways to start. As you work, share a time when you were in need of help or understanding. Your hard-earned experience on the receiving end of empathy makes the lesson real to your grandkids.

Lesson #2: Be thankful for everything

What it teaches: Gratitude. It’s more than just saying ‘thanks’ when someone hands you something. Strive to teach kids to appreciate all they have.

How to begin: “Have your grandchild thank people fully, going beyond a simple ‘thanks’, and express why they like the gift or how they’ll use it,” says Wrolson. Make a greater impact by reviving the ancient art of the thank-you note—still an important skill in the digital age—and help her to pen one. You could also make a point of expressing gratitude when you’re together, even for the smallest pleasures (green lights on the road, beautiful sunshine, a smile at the grocery store).

Read more at http://www.grandparents.com/grandkids/discipline-and-behavior/life-lessons-for-kids?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=nl675&utm_content=html

White Bean Chicken Chili

White bean chicken chili

 

 

 

 

White Bean Chicken Chili

This recipe was adapted from the Neely’s

Our family enjoys this in the winter

Ingredients

2 cans of northern beans

1 can of garbanzo beans

1 can of navy beans

2 T. canola oil

1/2 yellow, green, poblano or banana pepper

1 large onion

4 t. minced garlic

1 t. black pepper

2 T. ground cumin

3 t. ground coriander

3 T. chili powder

1/2 to 1 t. white pepper

4 or 5 cans of chicken broth

2 t. lime juice

1 large  or 2 small rotisserie chicken (chicken pulled off)

2 t. cilantro

Directions

Put oil in pan and sauté peppers, onion and garlic for 5 minutes.

Put chicken in crockpot

Add beans, peppers, onions, garlic, spices and broth

Stir and add lime juice

Cook for 8 hours in a Crockpot

Enjoy