Archives for March 2015

I’m Sorry by Diane Nix

This is a wonderful article on the need for forgiveness in our lives. A must read for all of us.
I’m Sorry!

 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you.  Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:13-14

 

“I’m sorry!” Words are spoken in frustration not because the person wanted forgiveness but because she wanted the conflict quickly resolved.  She desired to brush what was stirred up “under the rug” and move forward without any true accountability for words spoken, no remorse for actions taken, no true reconciliation or mending. The problem with not cleaning up what’s stirred up is that it’s still under the surface.  Stirred up and lying in wait to trip us up through mistrust, unforgiveness, pride, harshness, gossip, slander, hard-heartedness, rebellion and selfishness. The result:
  •     Doubt
  •     Disunity
  •     Distrust
  •     Disharmony.

None of us is exempt from relational conflict.  It’s part of life.  If you have two people in a relationship, there is bound to be conflict at some level, sometimes.  How you respond to each other and how you resolve the conflict is a key indicator of your Christian maturity and a witness to all who are watching.

Ministry years have taught me that not all conflict has to be a “hill to die on,” but all conflicts have to be resolved.  Whether in my own heart or meeting with the one involved – I must walk through the process of resolution and reconciliation.  I use the scripture for guidance and clarity especially when my flesh is fighting against the spirit of the Lord living within me.
  •     Remember all the Lord has forgiven you. My list is long.
  •     Allow grace and mercy to rule.  Usually, there is no conspiracy theory. If you are in a church pastoral position, there could be conspiracy,  but most times people are not out to get you – they’re just dealing with their junk and you have happened in the path of their “dealing.”

Read more at http://contagiousjoy4him.com/contagious-joy-blog

 

4 Lessons Mothers-In-Law Could Learn From Mine by Justine Lorelle LoMonaco

4 Lessons Mothers-In-Law Could Learn From Mine by Justine Lorelle LoMonaco

I am extremely fortunate in that I can say I love my mother-in-law.
No, really. I’m serious.
Both of my in-laws, in fact, are pretty darn great. (We often joke that my husband’s father might actually love me more than he loves him.) And while this doesn’t mean my mother-in-law hasn’t (or never will) do anything that I disagree with, there are a few specific things she does that keep us far away from “monster-in-law” territory.

1. She respects our space. My in-laws live all of 20 minutes away from us. While to some brides this might seem like a prison sentence, I didn’t think twice about it and they have never abused the proximity. I actually found out from my father-in-law that they intentionally left us alone during our busy first year of our marriage because they didn’t want us to feel pestered to hang out with them all the time. (I know, right? I told you, they are ridiculously considerate.)

Why it’s a good rule for all in-laws: It’s a known fact that the less you feel forced to do something, the more you actually want to do it. When I invite my in-laws over (or vice versa), it’s out of a genuine desire to hang out — and we all know it.

2. She’s, you know, a nice person. My mother-in-law buys us random presents from time to time. She keeps tabs on us without being annoying about it. She reads my blog and supports all my freelance work. Before I had my own car, she would occasionally step in to pick me up from the train station when I came home from work and my husband couldn’t get me. She and my father-in-law have dropped us off and picked us up from the airport countless times. In short, she treats me like family, instead of like some girl who stole her son away.

Why it’s a good rule for all in-laws: You ever notice how much easier it is to be nice to people who are nice to you? Our relationship of mutual kindness and respect lays the groundwork for even more kindness and respect down the line.

Continue reading at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/justine-lorelle-lomonaco/4-lessons-mothersinlaw-co_b_1557658.htmlco_b_1557658.html

 

 

Why Some Grown Kids Cut Off Their Parents By Elizabeth Vagnoni

This is a very interesting article that I think is worth the read. It may bring comfort to some who have estranged children.

 

The truth is — I am estranged from my two adult sons.

The truth is — I love my sons and I miss them every day.

The truth is — I can’t understand how in the world this has happened.

The truth is — saying you love them and miss them is not enough. There is much more to say, but you need a conversation — you need actual interaction, not just silence.

For me, the estrangement began over what I believed to be a misunderstanding. Since then, I’ve been on a journey of understanding, or at least trying to understand

Since I have been met with silence when trying to understand my children’s point of view, however, I have turned to studying estrangement. I have researched every article I could find on the topic, presented at conferences and co-authored a paper about estrangement. I started a private social network for those who are experiencing the same thing, and one thing is clear — there are literally thousands of stories just like mine.

These are stories of love, though sometimes hearing parents tell their stories, a reader might understand why an adult child would need a breather.

The Rise Of Narcissism In The Young

Parents tell stories of ill-spoken words, of misunderstanding, of unhelpful interference from others. Much of what they describe, while conflict-laden and uncomfortable, doesn’t seem bad enough to have caused estrangement. The scenarios don’t appear to warrant a total cutoff. At least not according to the way I was raised. I hear that phrase a lot, too.

Most of the parents I talk to are boomers, who share similar values and beliefs, including thoughts on how parents should be treated. The similarities I’ve seen in stories about how they lost contact with their children created a new direction for my research — our culture.

Specifically, I have directed my focus to the rise of narcissism among younger people. The topic is hot right now.

Read more at http://www.nextavenue.org/article/2015-01/why-some-grown-kids-cut-their-parents

7 Hints for Communicating With Adult Children by Susan Adcox

7 Hints for Communicating With Adult Children by Susan Adcox

Here are seven guidelines for communicating with your adult children:

1. Don’t let family ties be an excuse for rudeness.

For most interactions with your adult child, you must be diplomatic. The guideline here is to act as you would behave if the person were not related to you. Imagine that you are dealing with a younger adult with whom you are close, but who is not a part of your family. It may help you to have a particular person in mind–Johnny, for example. When you are considering saying something to your adult child, ask yourself, “Would I speak this way to Johnny?” If the answer is no, then don’t say it, or say it in a different way. Our family members deserve at least the same courtesy that we extend to the world at large.

2. Think before you talk.

That is, of course, a good rule for almost every person in almost every situation, but it is also difficult for us all. Everyone at some time or another is going to say something he or she should not have said. Forgiveness is more likely, however, if we have built up a history of being kind and non-interfering.

3. Build a foundation of good feelings.

Praise your child’s parenting skills whenever it is possible and appropriate. Simple statements such as, “I love how you explain things to Thomas,” can be powerful in fostering the feeling that you approve of your child as a parent. And parental approval is probably still important to your adult child.

5.  Remember to listen.

Half of communicating is composed of the messages you send out. The other half consists of the messages you receive. Some grandparents have trouble with that second half. Sometimes we’re distracted. Sometimes we want to jump right in with our own ideas or solutions. These hints for communicating with a spouse are also applicable to other family members. Practicing listening skills can make almost any relationship healthier and happier.

Continue reading at http://grandparents.about.com/od/grandparentingissues/tp/Grandparenting-Communication.htm

Top 10 Uses for Used Coffee Grounds By: Diy Maven

coffee

1. Deodorizer. Dry them out on a cookie sheet and then put them in a bowl in your refrigerator or freezer, or rub them on your hands to get rid of food prep smells.

2. Plant food. Plants such as rosebushes, azaleas, rhododendrons, evergreen and camellias that prefer acidic soils will appreciate the leftovers from your morning cup. Also, grounds can add nutrients to your compost bin.

3. Insect repellant. Sprinkle old grounds around places you don’t want ants, or on the ant piles themselves. The little buggers will move on or stay away. Used grounds are also said to repel snails and slugs.

4. Dye. By steeping grounds in hot water, you can make brown dye for fabric, paper and even Easter eggs.

5. Furniture scratch cover-up. Steep grounds and apply a bit of the liquid to furniture scratches with a Q-tip.

6. Cleaning product. As they’re slightly abrasive, grounds can be used as a scouring agent for greasy and grimy stain-resistant objects.

7. Kitty repellent. To keep kitty from using the garden as her personal powder room, sprinkle grounds mixed with orange peels around your plants.

8. Boost your carrot harvest. Mixing fresh grounds with the tiny seeds makes them easier to sow and may repel root maggots and other wee beasties

Check out the other 8 at http://www.curbly.com/users/diy-maven/posts/1881-top-10-uses-for-used-coffee-grounds